


hold your cards close (you're showing your hand)

by blackice



Series: Rooster Teeth/Funhaus - Rare pairs [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Obligatory Extra-Life fic, Profanity, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unofficial Sequel, because relationships aren't always about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 00:38:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5270003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackice/pseuds/blackice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geoff then walks off to donate the thousand dollars, causing Matt to think, 'Oh my fucking god, he’s actually going to throw a thousand grand at the stream so Jeremy and I will kiss on camera'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hold your cards close (you're showing your hand)

**Author's Note:**

> Felt a little guilty about the sequel I hinted at for the first jerematt fic I wrote, now you can have this small fic in compensation? It's really bad compensation tbh, because there's a minimum of two reactions stored at the end in little blurbs.
> 
> Also, some of the events diverge chronologically from real-life events (I found out about this kissing thing like, three days ago, and I'm not sure when Jeremy's Vine was posted.)

i.

Geoff wants Jeremy and Matt to play into the audience's hands for the first hundred thousand dollar stretch goal, and Matt wants none of it. Loud and outspoken he is about some matters -- some of which he's not quite entitled to voice opinions about -- Matt is firmly reticent about his relationship with Jeremy. South Carolina will do that to you; Supreme Court announces gay marriage is constitutional, you still sat the fuck back down in Sunday church and accepted from your peers that gay marriage is the beginning of Armageddon.

"No," Matt tells Geoff, and Jeremy loyally echoes him.

"For the kids," wheedles Geoff. "C'mon, what kinda dick are you to deny the goals for the kids?" He is leaning against the doorframe into the B-team's room, arms crossed and beard all a-quiver. Matt remembers the man is his boss and regretfully does not flip the bird.

"If we reach a hundred thousand," says Jeremy. "Why is that a stretch goal? Kind of lame for a stretch goal."

Pouting, Geoff points out, "We gotta do something."

"Make Michael and  _Gavin_ kiss," sulks Matt. "And add Lindsay in the middle. Get that threesome going."

Lindsay. having foreseen the wonderful catastrophe that was this conversation and thus had trailed behind Geoff like an eager wolf-pup ready to see mama wolf slaughter innocent predators, interjects, "Alright, but Gavin has to be in the middle. Jones-sandwich Free."

" _No_ ," Geoff responds, looking faintly queasy. "Just -- no. No threesomes." A sly smile quirks his lips up at the side, a hint of teeth showing. Mama wolf is getting ready for the kill. "Compromise. We, uh, shave Matt's head. Completely." At Matt's mutinous look, he adds, "For the kids!"

Despite being totally against the idea, shaving his head is not the worst stretch goal yet. Geoff could have suggested dyeing his hair some cotton-candy shade of pink.

"You're the boss," says Matt despondently. 

"I'm the boss!" agrees Geoff.

ii.

"I'll miss the hair," Jeremy offers in consolation. Back in Jeremy's apartment, Matt is sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to his chest, and mind glued firmly to his raid in Destiny and not the idea of losing his hair. 

"We aren't talking about it," grumps Matt. "If the donators have enough self-preservation, we'll never think on this subject again."

Jeremy, on the couch directly behind Matt, tugs on a lengthy lock (an idle action born of habit), and Matt misses his shot.

" _Dude_."

"Sorry, sorry." There's a length of comfortable silence, where Jeremy feels like nodding off and Matt stubbornly defies the expectation that being the Minecraft Builder Guy has ruined his sharpshooting skill. He can’t put into words the ease of having Matt as a boyfriend; the man’s a good balance between needs and wants. Matt doesn’t really care about his health, nor does he really care whether he gets laid nightly.

Nice, really, the entire concept of having a relationship not fueled by sex. Not  _entirely_ fueled by sex, Jeremy mentally amends, sleepily watching long fingers mash buttons and jerk analog sticks. He misses Matt's next comment because of the thought of them clenching and unclenching helplessly into fists or clawing at the sheets – "What?"

Matt clears his throat. "Do you – do you think Geoff will literally force us to kiss? On the extra-life stream?"

"Uh, I wouldn't put it past him? Just... just demand a huge incentive from him personally."

"I do  _not_ want to kiss for an anonymous audience of potentially thousands, who will tweet hundreds about the gay Southerner -- " rants Matt, readying himself for an early mid-life crisis. Until Jeremy rescues him. 

By rescue, read 'drop upper weight heavily onto Matt's slight shoulders as distraction'. 

"We'll work it out somehow," Jeremy attempts. Destiny’s forgotten in favor of Matt yelping and crawling sideways to escape the weight. An elbow hits Jeremy’s nose. “Ow!” Matt, wiggling from between the table and the sofa, manages to ‘oof’ his way to being flat on his back on the carpet floor; the loss of support (read, Matt) forces Jeremy to catch himself on the tabletop.

“Uh, you okay?”

“Your elbow hit me in the nose!”

“Your nose was in the way of my elbow!”

Jeremy glares at Matt until an idea hits him. “Hey, Matt...” he says, mischief curling his lips up. Hivemind backfires on him then, because his boyfriend immediately scrambles backwards using his elbows. “Revenge!” cries Jeremy. And then he throws himself on top of Matt like an especially annoying cat announcing its territory. As you will.

iii.

Jeremy is asked once by Matt not to post any pictures or Vines concerning their relationship. Considering they had been at the level of casual lovers rather than boyfriends, Jeremy had been willing. He's still fine with Matt's caginess (he's hardly ignorant of the South stereotype), but it's difficult to hide from their bosses their level of closeness.

Adam and Joel, more Joel than Adam, like to think that pairing the two in stupid scenarios will encourage the picky community to appreciate them more. Jeremy and Matt know, though, that it takes a long damn time and a lucky break for the community to get over new people. 

Geoff, though. 

Goddamn Geoff.

"There has to be higher stakes than reaching a hundred thousand for me and Matt to kiss on camera," argues Jeremy in Matt's absence. His boyfriend's taking an hour before the stream to apparently reconcile with the inevitable shave; the entire morning had been spent dwelling on why long hair was nice to have during sex.  _Not now_ , Jeremy scolds himself.

"Hmm," hums Geoff, stroking his beard sagely. "I'll come up with something. Are you bringing those home videos of you in gymnastics?"

Jeremy blinks. "Uh... yes?"

"Good, good." His boss smirks. "Maybe it'll persuade Matt that you're actually a hunk."

Automatically, Jeremy retorts, "More than he is, yeah, I am." Either Geoff thinks he’s playing matchmaker, or – or something. What, had the hate in the Youtube comments decreased? Did the man want to incite the community? “Uh, Geoff?”

“Yeah, man?”

“It better be a really high stake.”

iv.

It's within the first two goddamn hours of the live-stream Matt's hair gets shaved off by his boss. As Matt gets on the stool of victims, he wants to say, 'Goddamnit, this is not a good idea, let's shave Gavin bald' or 'Let's switch up these gender roles and shave Lindsay bald, or maybe Barbara, I mean, Barbara's built to withstand winter better than a Southerner’. Yeah, he wants to say all this, but now he can't because then that makes him a coward in addition to a fucking asshole.

 _For the kids_ , thinks Matt, clinging to the mantra because this is a good cause. Saving kids, a hundred thousand dollars at a time, the Rooster Teeth business. 

Geoff starts off with a Ben Franklin hairstyle and Matt hates him for it. Jeremy's cackling in the background, which is rude, but if his boyfriend can stand the sight, surely it's not too bad – Matt looks at the screen with the projecting angles displayed on it. 

The sudden urge to scream is traded in for weak laughter when Geoff finally starts shaving the other areas of his head. 

"Geoff, I’ve never seen this part of my body," Matt confesses, and Geoff hmphs. 

He doesn't stop moving the clippers. 

Eventually as all things must, Matt's scalp is as bald as a clear-cut section of the Amazon rainforest. He gingerly runs a hand over it and shivers at the feeling. It's  _weird_ , remembering the fact Jeremy had been running his hands through it and tugging gently at the locks to direct Matt's head only this morning.

Matt remembers the joke he's stashed under his shirt, and his reveal is greatly appreciated.

And then Jeremy comes over, tentative smile on his face. Matt almost misses the beanie tossed over, and after he catches it, he bends down slightly so Jeremy can bemusedly rub at his scalp.

"Wow," mutters Jeremy. "This is new."

The hand leaves a really warm sensation, and Matt echoes the movement with shaky fingers in an effort to preserve the heat. Geoff then walks off to donate the thousand dollars, causing Matt to think, ' _Oh my fucking god, he’s actually going to throw a thousand grand at the stream so Jeremy and I will kiss on camera'._

Jeremy gives out a 'heh' when Jack reminds them it’s for five seconds. Then, casually, like it’s a regular day and not a charity stream in which employees are subjected to embarrassing punishments for kids: “Hey Matt, guess what?”

Automatically, Matt responds, “What, really – ”

The firm press of Jeremy's hand at the back of his neck forces him down, is so blatantly dominant, but it unbalances the two a little, so Matt has to compensate by supporting Jeremy's lower back.  Both of their eyes are closed, which betrays a level of intimacy (or maybe denial, because Matt hates thinking of the idea his family’s watching this), and Matt barely retains anything logical and witty when Jeremy pulls away first.

Two things. A) Jeremy pulled away first. He _never_ pulls away first; it's usually Matt's decision when to end kisses. B) The kiss hadn't lasted for five seconds. Maybe three, if Jack counted right.

Catcalling at Jeremy's retreating back is the audience; Matt's compelled by nature to think up of some crappy joke. To stall for time, he rubs his fingers over the lower half of his face.

Someone, possibly Miles, politely interjects for him, “I am  _aroused!_ ”

This galls him into the 'cherry lip balm' joke.

v.

“Good Vine,” says Matt, lazily sprawled out on top of the bedcovers, watching Jeremy record himself sob his way through brushing his teeth. “Very compelling.”

Jeremy breezily shoots back, "I hate cherry, you like mint."

The tap runs while Matt struggles to find a retort, and he doesn't hear it stop. Therefore, he jumps when Jeremy sits on the bed, a half-smile at his face and something curious in his slightly creased dark eyes, like he comprehends just now the idea of Matt being his boyfriend. "What," says Matt warily, scooting closer to the headboard with his elbows. 

"Are you wearing the beanie to sleep?" 

"... Yes."

"Can I convince you not to?"

Matt holds very still when Jeremy reaches over to pluck Matt's glasses off, speaking only when they are set at the bedside drawer. "How?" he entreaties, cautious. Definitely interested, though, if his dick had anything to say.

His boyfriend places his fingers at the hem of Matt's beanie and slowly tugs it down -- it gives Matt plenty of time to vocalize an objection. "I don't think it'll stretch that far," Matt points out, a nervous grin on his lips. "Operation Blindfold, it’s gonna fail."

Jeremy makes a face when the beanie reflexively returns to just below Matt's eyebrows. "Fine," he grumbles. "Keep your eyes shut?"

Life with a significant other seems to be a lot of indulging their wild side. But hey, Matt usually reaps the benefits, and Jeremy's not into any weird shit.  _Score_. He feels the faint warmth of Jeremy's hand passing over his eyes, like they're ensuring they stay shut. "You want me blind to whatever you're doing for how long exactly?"

The mattress gives way as Jeremy moves to cage Matt in with his arms, and Matt startles at the disorienting sensation of a voice suddenly speaking (albeit in a shiver-inducing undertone) by his ear: "Until you sweat through the fabric?" 

"Haha," responds Matt. His eyes he continues to keep shut. "What's  _that_ masterplan, oh persuasive boyfriend?"

"I don't have to tell you," Jeremy retorts. "You can just go ahead," a leg grinds down at Matt's pelvis, and okay, Matt flat-out yelps at the unexpected move, "and feel it."

"Oh-h-h, fuck you," swears Matt, hips stuttering up into contact.

"Yeah, that's my job."

Matt licks his lips and sweetly calls Jeremy out for the three-second kiss. “I mean, judging from the past nights, I thought you’d have a lot more lung capacity, y’know?” His boyfriend stops moving. “… Uh, Jeremy?” More oppressive silence -- Matt sweats a little because he can feel Jeremy’s distractingly solid physique against his, and he sucks at reacting to a cold shoulder. “Jerem, just to make sure you haven’t had a stroke or anything, I’m opening my eyes – ”

A hand shoots up to cover Matt’s eyes, and evidently Jeremy must have abruptly lunged forward to kiss him, because there is approximately zero warning about the ensuing kiss.

Jeremy kisses Matt to shut him up, primarily. But it’s so slow, god, why is he taking his _time_? A languorous heat builds, coiling at the bottom of his stomach, and… and Jeremy isn’t stopping. It’s been a bit longer than five seconds, and if this is Jeremy’s point, he’s proven it. Matt attempts to voice an opinion, but the shorter man ignores it, only tapping his shoulder with a thumb for permission.

He barely remembers to tap twice for ‘go ahead’.

\--

 (a brief conversation between boss and employees)

“So, uh, you two fucking won’t fuck up the office dynamic, right?”

“Geoff, we’ve been doing it for several months under your nose. I don't think Matt and I will homewreck the office.”

\--

(team building exercise)

“Congratz on the doing of the do,” intones Lindsay, and Kdin echoes a snarkier version of the toast. Matt hunches over at his desk and grumbles without really saying anything; Jeremy smirks and redirects conversation to something less intrusive, less substantial.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback welcome because I am still lacking a beta! Also, I currently have two other Rooster Teeth fics I'm working on. One should be a three-parter, the other a long one-shot. So... GTA!verse Jon Risinger/Joel Rubin, or should I debut my monster!police! Joel Heyman/Adam Ellis?


End file.
